Ups and Downs. But mostly Ups.

This year I ‘knocked out’ an 80,000-word, first draft of a Commercial Fiction novel. In fact, I started in the first week of July and finished in the first week of December. Now, you might think I dedicated myself to getting words on the page and was able to step away from life. Nope. I worked (a lot!). I supported adult children through some pretty heavy stuff. I moved house. I thought my dad was dying, but somehow he made his way out of respiratory and cardiac crisis. I fought for my brother’s rights with his son’s school and took steps to raise the matter with the Department of Education so fairness and equity would prevail. Did I miss anything? Oh, I had a relationship breakdown.

So, how did I churn out a manuscript under these conditions? The answer is balance. Even though the above challenges were ever-present, I also had many wins this year. Let me break it down.

1.     Friends. I’m very comfortable in my own company but I also know that the right friends add value to my life. Moving towns has again shown that some friends stick, while others fade into the background. I’ve always been the ‘glue’ in my friendships, checking in with a text or phone-call if I haven’t heard from certain friends. But now I’m in my sixth decade, I’m kind of tired of this. Yes, everyone has their own families, but those friends (good friends apparently) who can’t even shoot a quick text in a month will lose me from here on. This ‘glue’ has decided it’s a one-way street. The invitation was open for the entire year to come visit me, but nothing eventuated. So, life has apparently pulled certain friends in a direction they are happy with. Or they are just lazy. Either way I’m moving forward because I have made some beautiful friendships over this last year. One gave me a little gift the other day that literally had me crying. Tears of joy of course. And don’t even get me started on my Writers’ Group buddies. What an amazing, generous, supportive group of people that are cheerleading me along my writing journey. Plus, who can actually say they are still great friends with their Prep friends, forty-seven years later? Me! Three women in particular have supported me unconditionally through work challenges, relationship disasters, single parenting. To say I am fortunate is an understatement.

2.     Family. I haven’t always been in my siblings’ lives. After Mum passed thirty years ago, we all broke in different ways. This year I allowed myself to know my brother again. He is raising his son by himself. It’s challenging. Knowing I can help him through my knowledge and skills in education has done two things: given me confidence that I can consult with authority in this space; and bonded us back together. My sister is facing health issues, but again she only has to ask and I will be there. After thirty years we three will have Christmas together with our father this year. Now, tell me that is not healing.

3.     Health. I have always been a physically active person. But also I have a body that does weird stuff. I seriously think I might have an allergy to the cold (yes, it’s a thing!) and there is auto-immune stuff that occurs frequently as a response to stress. Idiopathic angio-oedema is a mouthful – literally. It means I sometimes wake up with my mouth, lips or eyes swollen like a swarm of bees has attacked me overnight. This year Covid precipitated an episode that saw my tongue swell and threaten my airways. It was frightening to say the least. I wish I knew why this occurs, but I may never get an answer. Instead, I take all the other days I’m not afflicted and make the most of them. I walk my dog every morning for a good three kilometres, and join my fabulous hiking buddies on Saturdays for another ten to fifteen kays. And this year I discovered Pickleball – even entering a tournament in Canberra and earning myself a bronze medal in my age and ability category. I was chuffed! So I may not always be firing on all cylinders, but I won’t throw the towel in. It is highly likely my health and fitness would be better than most women my age, but that’s not by accident. It’s by choice.

4.     Moments of Surprise. My ex-husband and I had a shit divorce, but given it was seventeen years ago, one would think it would have resolved in time. Especially as our sons are now in their twenties. He said to me this year that he was not proud of the things he did and said to me. Although I didn’t need to hear this, and I certainly wasn’t holding my breath, it was healing none-the-less. Finally, I don’t feel I need to keep strengthening the walls around me when it comes to the father of my children.

5.     A Dog. Sometimes when I’m walking, my dog falls behind, on the trail of a scent I’m blinded to. Then, when she gives up and heeds my call she gallops toward me, only to pull up in the last ten metres, straightening her legs and trotting in what looks both ridiculous and sublime. She invokes a dancer’s pose, chest puffed out. In her head, I’m sure she’s repeating the mantra, ‘I am beautiful’.  She is a two-year-old Labrador that came into my life in April after I swore I could never go through the grief of losing another four-legged best friend (as I did two years ago). She is pure joy.

6.     A new Home. Moving house is torture. My move was complicated in that I lived with my partner in what was supposed to be a temporary arrangement, while I built my own place. But we all know about the Cost of Living Crisis of 2024 and consequently the target kept getting further away. At the same time, the relationship crumbled. So, when I couldn’t sell my land, I was left wondering what would I do? Tenacity is my middle name. I was able to purchase a townhouse in my favourite part of town, and after just eight months I have turned it into my home. I started with the basics and now I have a beautiful book wall and dining room filled with plants. A spare room that doubles as a sewing space. And a courtyard with containers of vegetables, lawn where there were once rocks, and fruit trees. I love this place and I feel safe and peaceful.

There you go – that’s how you write a book in five months. You celebrate every single day and remind yourself that the tough days recede in time. And joyful days are just around the corner. What joy do you have in your life today?